written
by Veronica Barber
illustrated by Joy Goodenow
Dear Diary,
'Ua fai nei si tele o tausaga talu ona 'ou
sau 'ese ma Sämoa mo Hawai'i. Na faia e lo'u faiä'oga o matä'upu
Igilisi se fa'atonuga 'iä 'imätou tamaiti ä'oga e fa'amaumauina
ni a mätou journal. Sä lelei tele lo'u togi na maua i
le lelei o la'u journal, 'ua tonu ai 'iä te a'u e 'ämataina
sa'u diary. 'Ae tele ni mea na o'o 'iä te a'u i lo'u
fa'atoa sau mai Sämoa, 'ou te muamua ona fia fa'amatalaina.
O nei mea o ni mea na 'ou lagona ma tu'u fa'alilolilo 'iä te
a'u lava, 'a'o lea o le'ä 'ou fa'amatalaina atu 'iä te 'oe.
Olo'u tausaga muamua i le ä'oga, sä 'ou iai
lea 'i Punawai Elementary School, po'o le a'oga 'amata mai le
vasega muamua se'i tau 'i le vasega ono. Sa na 'o le lua poloka
le mamao o le falea'oga lea ma lo matou fale. Sa masani ona
'ou savali 'i le a'oga ma 'ou toe savali 'i lo matou fale i
le tu'ua o lo a'oga.
I le lua tausaga na soso'o ai, sä 'ou alu
atu ma pu'e le pasi 'ou te alu ai 'i Waipahu Intermediate School,
i le vasega fitu ma le valu lea. I le toe 'ämata o ä'oga 'iä
Setema 1979. O le'ä toe pu'e fo'i la'u pasi 'ou te alu ai 'i
le ä'oga mauäluga po'o le high school. 'Ua fa'apea lava
ona tü mamao o faleä'oga i le 'äga'i i luma o o'u tausaga mai
lo mätou fale.
"Ou te manatuaina pea le aso muamua
na ma ö atu ai ma lo'u Aunty e fai o'u pepa ulufale i
le ä'oga 'i Punawai. Sä 'iä te a'u le fefe. Sä fa'apea lava
ona 'ou fefe ina 'ua sui o la'u ä'oga mai Punawai 'i Waipahu,
'ae sili ai lava ona 'ou lagona o le fefe i le taimi muamua.
Sä 'ou lë mäsani 'i se tagata e to'atasi i le fou 'uma o 'ilätou
fa'apea ma le faleä'oga.
Sä uiga 'ese mea 'uma i la'u va'ai. Sä lë
fa'amamafaina ona fai o se togina a tamaiti ä'oga pei ona 'ou
mäsani ai 'i Sämoa. Sä fa'atasi tama ma teine i le ä'oga fou.
Sä na 'o teine la mätou ä'oga i Sämoa. Sä na 'o ofuvae ma ofutino
pei o ni mitiafu na 'o'ofu ai le to'atele o teineiti i le ä'oga
fou. Sä 'iä te a'u le ofo i lea tülaga 'auä sä fa'asäina teine
i la mätou ä'oga tuai ona ofu ni ofuvae. I lo'u fa'atoä ulufale
i Punawai, sä ofu lo'u ofu Aso Sä mänaia lava, ma sä tilotilo
mai 'uma tagata 'iä te a'u. Sä 'iä te a'u le fa'agëgë (uncomfortable)
i le fepulafi mai o tagata 'iä te a'u. Sä 'ou va' aia fo'i le
sioa mai 'iä te a'u o ni tagata mätutua. Ina 'ua sogi mai Aunty
'iä te a'u ma fa'apea mai, "'E te lua ö ma le teine failautusi
e 'ave 'oe 'i lou potu ä'oga, teine lelei ma ia manuia le aso."
Sä 'ou melotagi i lo'u toe fia fo'i i lo mätou 'äiga fa'atasi
ma ia. Sä 'ou lagona lo'u lë fia nofo to'atasi i le ä'oga ma
tagata 'ese, ma sä 'iä te a'u le loto fa'anoanoa ma le fefe.
I le potu ä'oga, sä' pei a'u o le mäta 'aga
i le tilotilo mai 'uma o isi tamaiti 'iä te a'u. Sä 'ou lë fiafia
i lea tülaga. Sä 'ou nofo i lo'u nofoa ma 'ou pupula i lalo
i o'u vae ina ia 'aua ai ona 'ou iloaina atu o 'ilätou o tilotilo
mai 'iä te a'u. Na 'ou talitonu o le fou o a'u i le vasega.
'Ae i le aso na soso'o ai, na fesili mai se tasi o tama ä'oga
'iä te a'u, "Se tala mo'i e na 'o le sefulutasi ou tausaga?"
Sä 'ou lë iloa le uiga o lana tala. Ona toe fa'apea mai fo'i
lea o le tama lava lea, "'E te föliga mai e sefululima
ou tausaga i la'u va'ai." Sä o'otia lo'u loto i le tigä
ma 'ou tautagi ai i tala a le tama lea, 'ae tä mai loa le logo
ma lavea'ina ai lo'u matagä pe ana 'ou tagi. Sä 'ou tamo'e 'i
le faleuila ma 'ou tü i luma tonu lava o le fä'ata. 'Ae peita'i,
sä 'ou fefe fo'i i tilotilo i o'u lava föliga i le fä'ata. Sä
'iä te a'u le loto popole pe sa'o a le tama e mätua 'ese o'u
föliga i lo o'u tausaga.
'Ae te'i loa 'ua fa'apea mai le leo, "O
le'ä lou 'umï Moana?"
Sä 'ou te'i ma 'ou pupula to'a i le tama'ita'i
lea ma fa'ameme'i o'u tau'au 'auä sä 'ou lë iloa pe fia lo'u
'umï.
"Ia," lana tala, "o Roby lea
na fesili i ou tausaga ma lou 'umï e ta'uta'ua tele i le ä'oga
o lona 'umï. 'Ae 'ua fai nei si ou 'umï i lo ia, ma 'ou te lagona
'ua fuä lona loto i lenä tülaga. 'Aua 'e te popole 'i ai, e
fai fai lava mäsani i lou fa'atasi mai. 'Ua 'ou fiafia fo'i
'ua iai se isi e 'umï atu i lo Roby ma le gugutu so'o ï lona
umï."
E lë i iai se taimi 'ou te fa'afetai ai 'iä
Sandra. Sä vave alu o ia i fafo ma le faleuila i le 'uma ona
ia ta'u mai 'iä te a'u o lona manatu e uiga 'iä Roby. 'Ae na
'ou lagona le fa'amafanafanaina o lo'u loto i tala a Sandra.
Sä 'ou liliu ma tilotilo 'iä te a'u lava ia i le fä'ata ma 'ou
fa'apea 'iä te a'u lava, "E lë leaga föliga o si teineititi.
Mäsalo o le ofu e fai si tüai o nai ona föliga, 'ae va'ai nei
iai Roby o le'ä tauvä nei ma lo'u tagata e sefulutasi tausaga.
'Ua tele ni vaiaso 'ua te'a, 'ae lë mafai
lava ona 'ou ofu ni ofuvae i le ä'oga i lo'u manatua pea o tülaga
sä 'ou iai 'i Sämoa. Sä 'ou fa'alogoina ni isi o tamaiti ä'oga
o lätou muimui'ina a'u. "O ai o toe ofu'ina ni ofu fa'apenä?"
a lätou musumusuga 'iä 'ilätou lava. Sä 'ou fa'atagälelagona
a lätou tala, 'ae na tigä lo'u loto i ia tülaga. Sä fai ma a'u
mäsani ona 'ou tamo'e i le faleuila ma tagi i totonu o se tasi
o tama'i potu o avanoa. Paga lea lo'u fia fai uö i se tasi...so'o
se tasi...'ae ia iai se tasi. Peita'i, sä 'ou lagona le mumusu
o isi teinetiti e fa'auö mai 'iä te a'u ma va'aia fa'atasi ai
'imätou i le ofu pea o o'u ofu Aso Sä. Sä leai fo'i se isi o
tama e sosö mai 'iä te a'u i lo'u 'umï i lo'o le to'atele o
lätou. Sä lë fiafia fo'i isi tamaiti ä'oga 'iä te a'u i le leaga
o la'u tautala Igilisi.
'Aiseä e fa'alëmigao ai amioga a nei tagata?
E leai sa'u mea leaga na fai 'iä 'ilätou? 'Aiseä e lätou te
fa'atigä mai ai 'iä te a'u? Ana o ni tamaiti ä'oga fou ia 'i
Sämoa, e lë fa'apea ona fa'atu'iese 'i ai o tamaiti Sämoa. E
ö ifo 'ilätou ma fa'amäsani i le tamaititi ä'oga fou pei lava
o se tasi o 'ilätou. E alolofa ma fiafia i so'o se tagata tamaiti
Sämoa. E ö ni isi o lätou ma fa'ata'alo le tamaititi ä'oga fou.
E ö ifo fo'i ni isi ma foa'i ifo ni vaega o a lätou mea'ai.
'A'o 'ii nei, e leai lava se isi o fesili mai pe 'ou te fia
tä'alo. E leai fo'i se isi e mata fiafia mai ma iloa atu ai
e fia fai uö mai. E leai se isi e kea. Se paga! 'ou 'te toe
fia alu lava 'i Sämoa i lo'u ä'iga.
Ma'imau pe ana le mana'o tele Mama 'ou te
nofo i nei atunu'u ma 'ou ä'oga ai 'ina ia "'ese a'u ma
lo'u olaga i ni aso," ana tala fai pea. I la'u fuafuaga,
sä 'ese lo'u olaga i lo'u iai i lo mätou ä'iga i Sämoa. Sä iai
Ma, o'u uso ma tuagane. Sä 'ou mauaina lo lätou loto alofa.
Sä 'ou fiafia. A'o lenei mea, na 'o le loto moamoä (miserable)
ma le lë fiafia le mea o iai. E leai lava se isi e fiafia mai
'iä te a'u. 'Ou te lë 'i fai atu 'ou te fia sau i lenei mea.
'Ou te lë 'i faia fo'i lo'u 'umï. 'Ou te lë 'i faia fo'i a'u
ina 'ia 'ese ai mai 'isi tagata. A 'ou tautala Sämoa i isi tamaiti
ä'oga, e lätou te lë mälamalama i a'u tala. E alatatau ona 'ou
'ata? O le 'ä lë tatau e a? O lo'o tauemu ma talië mai 'ilätou
'iä te a'u i lo'u lë mälamalama 'iä lätou tala i le gagana Igilisi.
'Ou te lë 'i iloa e fa'apenei se 'ese'esega o tagata. E leai
se mea e tatau ai ona 'ou tautala ma fai ni amioga pei o lätou.
E 'ese lo'u tagata...o a'u o Moana. Na 'ou sau i le ä'oga ina
'ia 'ou maua se a'oa'oga pei lava o lätou, ma e sau se aso e
lätou te va'ai 'i ai pe'ä 'ou toaga e a'oa'oina a'u meaä'oga.
E mafai ona 'ou a'oa'oina lelei le tautala Igilisi. E sau aso
e toe mana'o mai ai ni isi o tamaiti ä'oga i sa'u fesoasoani.
Ona lätou iloa lea po'o ai e ona le tauemu ma le 'ata mulimuli.
I nei atunu'u, e tele ina ta'aligoligoa (lonely)
le fale. E faigaluega 'uma o'u mätua fai po'o le tuafafine o
lo'u tamä, Aunty ma lona to'alua, Uncle. E ö ese vave 'ilätou
ma le fale ina ia lava le taimi e momoli ai tamaiti 'i lë tausi
tama. 'Ou te i le fale to'atasi i le taeao, ma e fa'apea fo'i
ona 'ou sau i le fale tu'ufua i le tu'ua mai o le ä'oga. O se
tülaga 'ese lea 'iä te a'u, ma 'ou te lë fiafia 'i ai. E 'iä
te a'u le fefe i lo'u nofo to'atasi. O se tülaga na 'ou iai
'i Sämoa, o le iai lava lea o Mama i le fale i taimi 'uma. E
fa'atalitali 'atu lava o ia ma sa'u mea'ai e tali ai lo'u manava
i le tu'ua o le ä'oga ona fa'atoä fai lea o a'u fe'au. 'A'o
'inei, e fai lava e a'u la'u mea'ai i mea'ai o lo'o i totonu
o le pusa'aisa. A 'ou paië, 'ua 'ou lë 'ai. 'Ae i le moamoä
o le fale i lo'u nofo to'atasi, 'ua tele ina ou so'ona 'ai.
'Ua föliga ai 'ua la'iti o'u ofu i lo a'u. 'Ua leai se gaioi
tele o lo'u tino. E tatä ofu palapalä i le masini toe fa'amamago
i le masini. Ona 'ou alu lea 'ua gaugau ma tu'u i mea e tu'u
ai. 'Ua leai se toe ö e fai lä'au e tafu ai le afi, 'auä 'ua
kuka i 'ogäumu alu i le uila mea'ai. "Ua leai se galuega
tele o le fanua i le mamä i le tele o taimi. E leai se galuega
o lä'au totö, 'auä e fui vai i le ta'i lua o aso. 'Ua tele ni
itülä avanoa 'ou te maua, ma 'ou lë iloa la'u mea 'äfai. E lë
taumate e mafai ona 'ou faitau tusi pei ona fautua mai Aunty,
'ae ou te lë fiafia i faitau tusi. 'Ua na 'o le matamata 'i
le televise le mea 'ua fai, e ui lava ina 'ou lë mälamalama
i le tele o tala ma polokalama. 'Ae i le taunu'u o le ta'avale
a Aunty ma Uncle i le faleta'avale, ona 'ou fiafia tele lea.
O lona uiga 'ua ö mai lo mätou 'äiga i le fale, ma pei ai 'ua
nimo 'ese le moamoä o le nofo to'atasi.
'Ou te alofa tele i lo mätou 'aiga nei, 'ae
'ou te misia pea Sämoa. E leai se mea e tutusa ma lo mätou fale
tüai. 'Ua 'ou misia lava lo mätou momoe fa'atasi ma o'u uso
ma tuagane la'iti. Sä 'ou manatu fa'apea 'ou te mana'o tele
i so'u lava potumoe na 'o a'u, 'ae ua sui o'u mäfaufauga. 'Ua
'ou misia lava lo'u tauusoga o Eme e ta'u 'uma 'i ai o'u manatu
fa'alilolilo. E tusitusi mai lava si teine, 'ae lë tutusa ai
ma taimi o mätou nonofo fa'atasi. 'Ua leai se isi 'ou te talanoa
'i ai. Ou te fa'amatala 'uma 'iä te ia o'u manatu fa'alilolilo,
ma fa'apenä fo'i ona ia fa'amatala mai o ni ona manatu 'iä te
a'u. E ma te talanoa i mea e lë mafai ona ma talanoa atu ai
'i tagata mätutua. Ona o le tauau (tendency) i tagata mätutua
o le 'ote. E lë' pei tagata mätutua o Eme, e fa'alogo ma mälamalama
o ia i o'u lagona, ai o le tutusa o ma tausaga.
Sä 'ou taumafai e talatalanoa 'iä Patrick,
lo'u tuagane fai ma le ulumätua a Aunty. 'Ae lë tutusa le talanoa
'i le tama i le talanoa i le teine. 'Ou te lagona lava lona
agaga fa'amaise (sympathize), 'ae 'ou te lagona fo'i lona lë
mälamalama pe 'aiseä 'ou te fa'anoanoa pea ai. E ma te ö so'o
i ni tifaga ma ni carnival O se tama fai uö ma le tele
o ni ana uö. E mäsani ona ia fa'amäsani mai o ana uö 'iä te
a'u, 'ae ia'iti 'uma 'ilätou i lo a'u.
'Ou te fiafia i lo mätou äiga i Hawai'i.
'Ua iai 'uma mea na 'ou mana'o ai ma 'ou va'aia i televise.
O lo'u lava potumoe na 'o a'u ma lo'u moega e fai lona tama'i
pupuni i luga ma lalo, pusatoso e iai ma le fä'ata, ma le potu
lavalava e tumu i ofu ma se'evae mänanaia. 'Ou te alu i se ä'oga
telë. E tele ni fa'afiafiaga e ö 'i al lo mätou 'äiga. E mätou
te ö 'i le matäfaga e tafafao ai. 'Ua 'ou iloa ta'alo i le te'a
polo fa'ata'avale (bowling) i le ö so'o o lo mätou 'äiga e fai
lea ta'aloga. E mätou te ö i mäta'aga ma ti'eti'e i le tele
o masini 'ese'ese ma isi lava mea e maua ai le fiafia o le olaga.
'Ae ui i ia mea 'uma, 'ou te lagona lava le lë 'ato'atoa o lo'u
fiafia i lo'u misia pea o Sämoa.
Sä mätou lë ö i ni tifaga, ti'eti'ega po'
o ni mäta'aga, 'ae sä tele le fiafia na mätou maua i le fatu
o ni a mätou tala e fai ma vele vao i lalo o lä'au. Sä iai la
mätou televise, 'ae sä la'ititi lava le taimi e matou te matamata
'i ai i le tele o fe'au. Sä fai i lima le tele o fe'au. I le
'uma o fe'au, sa lafo le vaivai. A lë vave ona mätou momoe,
'ua matou tä'oto'oto i le pogisä ma fa'amatala ni a mätou tala
fa'afagogo ma tala aitu. Sä 'iä te a'u le fiafia tele pe'ä mänana'o
nai o'u tei lä'iti e ma te fa'amatala atu ma Eme ni tala. Ona
ma fatu lea o ni tala aitu ma fa'afefefe ai nai tamaiti. Ona
fe'oma'i fa'atasi lea o tamaiti ma a'u 'iä Eme ma mätou momoe
saputu fa'atasi ai lea. 'Ese le mälie o na aso. Mälie atu i
lo'o le matamata i le televise.
Ma'imau pë ana iloa e tinä lo'u misia o ia,
Eme ma lo mätou 'äiga 'ätoa i Sämoa. A 'ou tusi atu nei 'ua
'ou toe fia fo'i atu, o le'ä fesili mai pe 'aiseä. Ona tatau
lea 'iä te a'u ona 'ou fa'amatala 'iä te ia le mea sa'o ma le
mea o iai o'u lagona. E ao ina mälamalama pe lë mälamalama fo'i.
A faigatä 'iä te ia ona mälamalama, ona tigä lea o ia. Ona manatu
lea o ia 'ua i'uvale lo'u olaga. E mäsani lava ona fa'apea o
ia, "O le tamaititi usita'i, e i'u lelei ma manuia lona
olaga." O lo o'u nofo usita'i i ona manaoga 'ou te nofo
i Hawai'i ma 'ou ä'oga ai. 'Ou te lë fia faia se tülaga e aliali
atu ai 'ua 'ou lë usita'i 'iä te ia. E sili ai lo'u moe i loimata
maligi. 'Ou te alofa tele 'iä te ia.
E pei la ona 'ou fa'amatala atu dear diary,
sä lë faigofie 'iä te a'u ona fai vave o ni suiga fou i lo'u
olaga. 'A'o lenei 'ua 'uma le tolu tausaga, 'ua iai fo'i ni
a'u uö lelei i le ä'oga, 'ua 'ämata ona 'ou mälamalama i le
aogä o ia suiga ma lo'u mauaina o se fiafiaga fou. O a'u uö
i le ä'oga 'ua pei lava o nai o'u uso ma tuagane 'i Sämoa. E
mätou te tä'a'alo fa'atasi ma talatalanoa i o mätou mäfaufauga.
A lë lava le taimi e mätou te talanoa ai i le vä o vasega, e
mätou te ö' mai i le fale ma fa'aaogä le telefoni e talanoa
ai i le isi ma le isi. Sä mana'o fo'i lava se tasi o a'u uö
'ou te alu atu i le 'au tämomo'e a le ä'oga, ma 'ua 'ou iai
nei i lea 'au. 'Ua aogä' tele lea tülaga 'iä te a'u, 'auä 'ua
'avea ma mea 'ou te nofo ai i le faleä'oga pe'ä tu'ua le ä'oga
'iä mätou ä'oga fa'ata'ita'i ma isi tamaiti.
'Ua 'ou lë sau sa'o i le fale tu'ufua. Na
fa'atonuina a'u e lo'u faiä'oga o le vasega 'ämata e a'oa'oina
se siva Sämoa i isi tamaiti o la mätou vasega mo polokalama
fa'aleä'oga o aso muamua o Me, le mäsina. 'Ua 'avea lea ma mea
'ua 'ou mäsani lelei ai i le tele o tamaiti o la mätou vasega
i lo lätou to'aga e fia iloa sisiva Sämoa. E fa'apea fo'i ona
aogä o lea tülaga 'ua 'ou mälamalama teisi ai i le galuega a
le faiä'oga e mäsani ona fai. 'Ua aogä tele fo'i lea tülaga
i lo'u lava tagata to'atasi. 'Ua fa'aali mai ai ni malosiaga
na 'iä te a'u i lo'u iloa pese ma siva fa'a Sämoa. 'Ua mafai
ona 'ou a'oa'oina atu o ni pese Sämoa i isi tamaiti o la'u vasega,
ma fa'apenä fo'i ona lätou a'oa'oina mai 'iä te a'u o a lätou
pese mai i o lätou atunu'u. Sä 'ou a'oa'oina se pese Filipino
ma se siva Säpani.
O se tasi o a u uö lelei lava i le ä'oga
e igoa 'iä Lita. O ona mätua o ni tagata Filipino mai Hawai'i.
E mäsani ona sau o ia e ma te momoe, ma 'ou alu fo'i e moe i
lona fale i ni isi aso. E mäsani lona tinä ona kuka'ina o ni
mea'ai Filipino pe'ä 'ou alu atu, 'auä e iloa e si fafine 'ou
te fiafla 'i ai. Sä 'ou ta'u atu 'iä te ia e pei lava ni isi
o mea'ai Filipino o mea'ai Sämoa. E iai panikeke mäfolafola,
pulini alaisa ma moa e fai i lialia. O se fiafiaga tele sä 'iä
te a'u pe'ä 'ou alu i le fale o la'u uö lea o Lita. E nonofo
fa'atasi Lita ma ona mätua, ma mätua o ona mätua, ma ona uso
mätutua e to'alua 'ua fai tane ma a latou fanau. E pei lava
lea tülaga o lo mätou 'äiga 'i Sämoa. E fa'aaloalo, alolofa
ma tausi lelei mätua o mätua e le 'au' äiga 'ätoa e pei lava
o le mäsani a Sämoa.
E mälie le isi pö na 'ou fai atu ai i le
tinä o Lita e tu'u ipu 'ou te alu atu e fufulu. 'Ae fai mai
a ia e leai e le fufulu ipu a'u i le tü fa'a Filipino, o a'u
o sa lätou mälö. Na muamua ona fa'afetai mai o ia i lo'u manatu
atu i lea tülaga e iloa ai le a'oa'oina o a'u i tü fa'aaloalo.
O lea fo'i le tülaga i lo mätou 'äiga ma lo mätou fale. 'Ae
lë'i tupu lea mea 'iä te a'u, sä mäsani ona 'ou manatu o le
fa'apologaina o a'u le fufulu ipu. Sä 'ou lë' fiafia i ni mälö
po'o ni tagata asiasi e ö atu i lo mätou 'äiga... 'ae 'ua lë
toe fa'apea o'u mäfaufauga.
I le isi lua i le tolu vaiaso, ona taunu'u
mai lea o o'u tauusoga mai Amerika e asiasi mai i lo mätou 'äiga
i lenei vaitausaga mäfanafana ma le tu 'ua o ä'oga. O se fiafiaga
tele 'iä te a'u le fa'amäsani o la'ua 'iä Lita ma Janet, a'u
uö lelei. 'Ua 'uma fo'i ona ofo mai le tuagane mätua o Lita
e mafai ona ia 'ave o mätou 'uma i le matäfaga i so'o se taimi
lava e mätou te fia ö ai. O se tülaga sili lea 'iä te a'u, 'aua
'ua 'uma ona tusi mai o Gina ma Maria e fia ö 'ilä'ua i le matäfaga
i le tele o le taimi o le'ä iai i Hawai'i. Tele se fiafiaga
o le'ä mätou maus ma o'o 'i ai...ma 'ou te nofo olioli i fuafuaga
'uma.
Dear Diary, mänaia tele lou iai. 'Ou
te fiafia i tusitusi o o'u mäfaufauga 'iä te 'oe.
Moana's
Diary
Dear Diary,
It's been several years since I left Sämoa
and came to Hawai'i. My English teacher wanted us to keep a
journal. I did so well with this journal, it gave me the idea
of starting a diary. Some very interesting things happened to
me when I first came from Sämoa, and I'd like to go back and
tell you what happened. This is only between you and me, of
course.
My first year at school was in Punawai Elementary
School. This was only two blocks from my home. I used to walk
to school and back. The next two years, I caught the bus to
go to Waipahu Intermediate School. In the fall, I'll be catching
the bus again to go to high school. The schools get farther
and farther away from the house as I get older.
I remember the first day my aunt and I went
to enroll me in elementary school. I was scared. I'm still scared
when I go from one school to another, but the first time was
the worst. The people were strange and the school was new. Everything
seemed so different. The students were not required to wear
a uniform the way we did in Sämoa. The school had both boys
and girls. My old school had only girls. Most of the girls in
the new school wore pants and a shirt. This surprised me because
we as girls in Sämoa were not allowed to wear pants to school
or church. I was in one of my best Sunday dresses I brought
from Sämoa, and everybody looked at me. The feeling was very
uncomfortable.
I even caught sight of some adult stares.
When Aunty kissed me goodbye and told me, "The secretary
will take you to your classroom. Be good and have a nice day,"
I wanted to cry and go back home with her. I was miserable already,
and I didn't like the feeling of being left alone with strangers!
In the classroom, I must have looked strange.
All eyes were on me. I sure didn't like that! I sat in my chair
looking at my feet so I wouldn't see people looking at me. I
thought at first it was because I was new. A day later, one
of the boys asked me, "Sure you're only eleven years old?"
I didn't know what he meant. So he continued, "You look
like a fifteen year old to me." I felt tears coming, but
my embarrassment was saved by the bell. I ran to the bathroom
and paused in front of the mirror. Yet, I was even afraid to
look at myself in the mirror. I wondered to myself if I really
looked old for my age.
Suddenly a very nice voice asked, "How
tall are you, Moana?"
I was startled. I looked at her and shrugged
my shoulders because I didn't know how tall I was.
"Well", she said, "Roby who
asked your age is very popular because he is tall. You're slightly
taller than him, and I think he's jealous. Don't worry, he'll
get used to having you around. Frankly, I'm glad someone else
is taller than him. He brags too much."
I didn't have time to thank Sandra. She dashed
out of the bathroom as fast as she told me what she thought
of Roby. Yet, she really made me feel good. I turned and looked
at myself in the mirror and told myself, "I'm not so bad
looking. Maybe this dress is too old fashioned, but this eleven
year old is going to show Roby he's eventually in for some real
competition."
Weeks went by, and I couldn't get used to
the idea of wearing pants to school. I was still the girl in
the Sunday dress. I heard students talk about me and how weird
I looked. "Who wears dresses anymore?" they would
whisper. I pretended not to hear them, but I was hurt. I would
quickly find one of the empty cubicles in the bathroom and cry.
I wanted so very much to be a friend to somebody... anybody...
but somebody. Yet, I had the feeling the girls wouldn't be caught
dead being seen with me.
The boys avoided me because I was so tall.
Others didn't like me because I sounded funny when I spoke English.
Why were they so rude? I didn't do anything
to hurt them. Why were they hurting me? If new students came
to Sämoa, they wouldn't feel rejected. The Sämoan students would
make them feel at home. They're friendly and hospitable people.
They would have asked them to play. Some would have offered
to share their lunch. Here, nobody has asked me to play with
them. Nobody seemed friendly enough to smile at me. Nobody seemed
to care. Oh gosh! I wanted to go home.
I wished so very much that Mama didn't want
me to stay here and go to school and "be somebody, someday,"
as she used to say. I was a somebody at home. I had her and
my brothers and sisters. I had their love. I was happy. Here
I'm miserable and unhappy. Nobody seems to like me. I didn't
ask to be here. I didn't ask to be this tall. I'didn't ask to
be different. If I talk Sämoan to these people, they wouldn't
understand me. Should I laugh? Why not? They're laughing at
me because I don't always understand what they say in English.
I didn't expect they'd be so different. I
don't have to speak and act like them. I'm not like them...
I'm Moana. I'm in school to learn just like them, and I'll study
hard and show them. I can learn English well. Some of these
students will be asking me to help them someday. We'll see who
gets the last laugh.
Here, home is very lonely. Both Aunty and
Uncle have to work. They leave the house very early in the morning
to take the babies to the sitter. I'm home alone before I go
to school, and I come home to an empty house. I hate it. It's
scary. It's lonely. I liked it better in Sämoa because Mama
was always home. She always made sure there was food for me
to snack on before I did my housework. Here, I help myself to
what's in the refrigerator. If I'm lazy, I skip eating. But
more and more, I eat more than necessary when I'm lonely. My
clothes are beginning to shrink on me. I'm not working physically
hard. The washing machine washes the clothes, the dryer dries
them, and I only come in to fold and put the clothes away. The
food is cooked on an electric stove. The yard stays pretty clean
most of the time. The plants only need watering every other
day.
I have a lot of free time which I don't know
what to do with myself. I guess I could do some reading like
Aunty suggests, but I don't like reading. So I watch a lot of
television even though I don't understand what I'm watching
half of the time. The sound of the car pulling into the garage
is exciting to me. It means Aunty and Uncle and the rest of
the family are home.
I love my family here very much, but I'm
still homesick for Sämoa. There's no place like my old home.
I miss sleeping with my sisters and brothers. I thought I'd
like a bedroom to myself, but I changed my mind. I miss my cousin
Eme who shared all my secrets. Her letters are not the same
as if she were here in person. I miss having her to talk to.
I told her my secrets, and she'd tell me hers. We could share
feelings I am not able to share with adults. They have a tendency
to scold. They're not like Eme who listens and understands me.
I try talking with Patrick, my adopted brother
and Aunty's oldest son. It is different talking to a boy than
a girl. He tries to sympathize with me, but I can tell he doesn't
understand why I'm so miserable. We go to movies and carnivals
together. He is outgoing and has many friends. He often introduces
me to some of his friends, but they're all younger than me.
I like my new home in Hawai'i. I have everything
I wished for and saw on television. A bedroom of my own with
a canopy bed, set of drawers with mirrors, a closet full of
nice clothes and shoes. I'm going to a big school. Our family
does a lot of neat things together. We go to the beach a lot.
I've learned to bowl because we go bowling frequently. We go
to carnivals and many other places. Yet, something is terribly
missing from my life and makes me homesick for Sämoa. We never
went to the movies, or went bowling or went to a carnival, but
we used to have a lot of fun doing things like talking silly
stories under the trees while pulling the weeds. There was television
but we seldom watched it. We had to do a lot of our work by
hand. When we finished, we were very tired. We either went to
sleep right away or laid down in the dark telling tales and
ghost stories. I liked it especially when the younger children
would ask Eme and me to tell them tales. We'd make the tales
very spooky. The kids would cuddle up to each other. I'd end
up next to Eme, and we'd all sleep like a squashed bundle of
scared cats. It was fun. In fact, more fun than watching television.
If only Mama knew how much I missed her, and Eme and the rest
of the family. If I told her I wanted to come home, she would
ask why. I would have to tell her how I really feel. She might
understand and she might not. If she doesn't understand, she'd
be hurt. She'd think I am a failure. She always said, "An
obedient child is a successful child." I'm being obedient
to come here and stay the way she wants me to. I wouldn't want
to hurt her or to be a failure. I love her. I'd rather sleep
in tears.
As you can see, dear Diary, it hasn't been
easy for me to adjust quickly to this life. But now, after three
years I've made friends at school and have begun to understand
why it was necessary to make some of the changes, and I'm happy
in a different way. My friends at school are now like my brothers
and sisters back in Sämoa. We play together and share our feelings.
If we didn't have time to talk between classes, we'd use the
phone to call each other up. One of my friends convinced me
to join the school track team. This helped me a lot because
I stayed after school to practice. It beats coming home to an
empty house and that lonely atmosphere. The homeroom teacher
appointed me to teach our class a Sämoan dance for the school
May Day program. This helped me to know the other students better
because they were willing to learn what I have to teach. This
also helped me understand a little bit of the teacher's role.
It opened my eyes to my own strength. Knowing Sämoan and some
of its songs and dances is beautiful. I shared my music with
my classmates and they shared their music with me. I learned
a Filipino song and a Japanese bon dance too.
One of my best friends is Lita. She is part
Filipino and part Hawaiian. She comes to spend the night some
times, and I sleep over her house at other times. Her mother
often prepares Filipino food when I come because she knows I
like it. I told her that some of the food she makes is similar
to Sämoan food such as banana flats, rice cake and chicken long
rice. I feel very much at home with Lita's family. She lives
with her parents, grandparents and two married sisters and their
children. It reminds me of our household in Sämoa. The grandparents
are looked upon with great respect, love and attention. The
same way we treated older folks in Sämoa. Funny, but I offered
to wash dishes for Lita's mother one night, and she wouldn't
let me.
She thanked me for being thoughtful, but
said that I was their guest and she wouldn't let me wash dishes.
This is the same way in our home. Before this, I used to think
that I was being a slave for always washing the dishes. I hated
it when people came over our house, but not any more.
In less than a month from now, cousins Gina
and Maria will be visiting us from the Mainland for the summer.
I can't wait to have them meet my girlfriends Lita and Janet.
Lita's brother offered to take us all to the beach any time
we wanted to. How super, because Gina and Maria wrote and said
they wanted to spend a lot of time on the beach. We're going
to have some good times together... I'm looking forward to it.
Dear Diary, I like having you. I'll be writing
in you again soon.
Tusi o Mafaufauga o Moana-Moana's Diary
Activities:
A. Multiple Choice
Choose the word or words that have the same
meaning as the underlined word in each sentence.
1. Moana's diary told about many things
over three years.
a. Daily account of what had happened
b. Monthly list of places visited
c. Quarterly log of school activities
2. Moana was embarrassed because she
didn't understand the other student who thought she looked older
than she claimed.
a. Feeling happy and excited
b. Make someone uneasy and ashamed
c. Taking pride in one's appearance
3. Moana was miserable for a long
time when she first left Sämoa because she missed the old home.
a. Being in a state of fun and joy
b. Was unhappy and homesick
c. Temporarily sad but glad
4. Moana's cousin Patrick tried to sympathize
with her, but she still was not happy.
a. Telling jokes and laughing loudly
b. Having lunch with her friends
c. Sharing another's sorrow or trouble
B. New Things
1. People and school strange.
2. School is co-ed.
3. Strange clothes (shirt and pants vs. a
dress).
4. Lonesome at home.
5. New food (rice, cake, etc.).
6. Fewer house chores.
7 Sleeping arrangements (private bedroom
vs. Sämoan style).
8. New playmates.
9. New games (bowling, carnivals; track).
10. New friends (Lita).
11. New songs and dances.
12. New customs (can't wash dishes at Lita's).
C. Discriminate between old and new things
Moana encountered in Han. Relate these things to what you might
have experienced or your friends know about.
1. Strange people (new vs. old; male principal
vs. female principal in Sämoa).
2. Strange school (new vs. old; larger new
school vs. smaller older school).
3. School is co-educational (has both boys
and girls vs., all girl school).
4. Lonesome at home (going home to an empty
house vs. people there in Sämoa).
5. Food (rice, cake, etc. vs. taro, bananas,
etc.).
